No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
