Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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