Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
