Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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