I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Randomize
