i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
