The maid of honor just puked.
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
i used baking grease as lip gloss
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
