Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Randomize
