She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
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