Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Randomize
