Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
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You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
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Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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