Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
