guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
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