PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
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