My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
