YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
