I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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