How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
