bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
