Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
