"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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