Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
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one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
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It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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