is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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