The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
