i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I cannot find my penis.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
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