I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
