she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
