we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
