I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
