Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
