Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
