someone threw a dead crab at me
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
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