Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
And then he peed in my hair
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