I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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