you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
that's an acceptable place to lick
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
