You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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