His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
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