I can tuck mytits in my pants
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Randomize
