Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
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I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
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Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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