We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
