Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Randomize
