my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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