Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
