I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
