why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
