I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
