one two three fourrrrnication!
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
