I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
