I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
