I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
