I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
