He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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