whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
