lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
