You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
