Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
