I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
