its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize