it's too hot outside to masturbate.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Randomize
