Taylor Swift is so right about you.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
