I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
