her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
