In the future we'll all be gay
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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