Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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