Quick, to the slutcave!
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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