just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
