I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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