There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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