Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
