Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
