what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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