Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
