tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
