can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
