I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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