Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
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