There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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