you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
