Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
hell yes lets make some ravioli
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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