At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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