I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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