well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Randomize
