there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
