Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
