i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
