JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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