who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
