If i come over, it means nothing
If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
