I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
