Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
