I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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