They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
