my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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