we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
