My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
