i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
