She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
